The Sad Pharaoh

I can’t keep anything in perspective.

 

I am either flying high

 

Or coughing up pebble decorated mud

 

Oh, I’m tired also tired a lot

 

I’ve been reading a lot

 

These writers can really write

 

Maybe one day, I can write like them

 

With detail and accuracy

 

I am a work in progress, and I could use more sleep

 

They seem so complete, in my head, awake, too

 

I’m entrapped by this urge

 

To jump off the train

 

As it speeds to my destination

 

Where am I going?

 

I do not know

 

And the unknown drives me to the edge

 

I get so lonesome sometimes

 

I want a solution when my life is bothering me

 

My tunnel vision distractions

 

Easy rushes and fifty flavors of dissatisfaction

 

Do not ease my burden

 

That emerald answer keeps floating further away

 

I get so lonesome sometimes

 

I get so vengeful

 

So mean and hateful

 

If someone I know has a hint of

 

What society has deemed success:

 

I get jealousy woes

 

I feel my emptiness expanding

 

I am a black hole

 

Wishing a similar unhappiness for you

 

Don’t get ahead of me

 

Don’t escape my force field of hate

 

It’s me breathing, it’s me feeling, but it hurts

 

I see a universe written on your face

 

In braille, and I can never touch you

 

My heart desires space

 

And secretly hopes to let you go

 

Allow your planet to float away

 

And be a mystery, like the carousel

 

Of life and death

 

You own your life

 

Your experiences are yours

 

Your perceived success and failures

 

It has nothing to do with me

 

And that’s beautiful

 

But writing lines and thinking thoughts isn’t living

 

And I can’t relate to myself, sometimes

 

When I want to admonish her for flirting with

 

a rapper, instead of yours truly, and lecture her

 

On the true meaning of expression, and own her

 

And control her and eventually leave her coughing dust

 

Swept up from the storm

 

I want her on her knees, thanking me for even giving her a thought

 

This is honest, I’d say

 

Nothing more than worship would do for me, I think

 

As I zero in on the slightest scent of negativity

 

Worship me, I say

 

I say, I am the creative one

 

And be impressed

 

I say I am the attractive one. Be attracted.

 

I say I am the one who understands. Understand?

 

I say I am the only one who ever existed, I share this world with nobody

 

It’s lonely and unholy

 

Am I the only one who feels this way?

 

Am I the only sad pharaoh walking the streets of Manhattan?

 

I say

 

There is no stopping the ego

 

It will consume me, it will ruin me, and bizarrely

 

For it’s every inconvenience, it will occasionally save me

 

With promises of romance and sweet mysterious fingertips

 

Upon my face on a future date

 

I get confused, sure do

 

You save me, in the next breath

 

The person near me

 

Who sent a smooth fire wave up my spine,

 

By my side

 

I want to apologize to my breath

 

For placing my self-worth into

 

Inhuman and incapable arms

 

Reboot

 

I want to say congratulations, to the stranger

 

Who just thought I was strange

 

I was in love, you didn’t know

 

I was strange, I suppose

 

It was all so strange

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About mw2828

I am a writer currently working out of the New York area. https://mythandmist.wordpress.com/ View all posts by mw2828

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